jackassworld

This is a photo of my sister Lynne. The man trying to hide behind the door is her husband Crazy Ronnie. Poor ol’ Crazy Ronnie has spent the last 20 some odd years trying to hide behind a door from my sister. She is little, but she is mean. And loud. In the photo, she is beckoning Crazy Ronnie from the bathroom—that’s where the cooler was, after all—and pulling on his arm. Trying to maintain his balance and protect his drink at the same time, Crazy Ronnie puts up the best defense he can, which isn’t great. It’s all pretty playful, but take a notice of the two uncooked baked potatoes my sis is holding. I ordered them from room service a couple of minutes before because, well, Crazy Ronnie hasn’t always been so lucky when it comes to baked potatoes. Heh-heh…

Many years ago, before Lynne and Ronnie were married, he was out on a date with another girl. He and this other girl were at a bar in Chattanooga listening to my cousin Roger (Alan Wade) play. Nothing wrong with that, Lynne and him had just broken up a couple of weeks before and he was doing his thing. Well, who walked into the bar but my sister. She sat down at a table with some friends and Crazy Ronnie spotted her. Now Crazy has never ever been riddled with a ton of foresight and his timing is even worse. As soon as Roger finished his song and there was a split second of quiet in the club, Crazy Ronnie stood up with a shit-eating grin on his face and loudly proclaimed, “Chattanooga women are the best!” Ronnie’s date was from Chattanooga, and my sister, like me, is from Knoxville.

I believe the intent of the remark was to anger and embarrass my sister, but unluckily (always unluckily) for Ronnie, he only accomplished one of the two. Immediately, Lynne darted across the club toward Ronnie, picked up—ha-ha-ha, I’m sorry, it still makes me laugh—two uncooked baked potatoes and beat the hell out of him with ’em. Bang, boom, bam. When Lynne was through she was holding a handful of French fries. Crazy Ronnie just sat there with shmushed potato in his hair and that shit-eating grin still on his face. Lynne looked at the girl like, “Do you want some?” (she didn’t want any) and Rog’ almost fell off the stage laughing.

This incident earned Crazy Ronnie the nickname “Spud Man,” and earned him and my sister Photo of the Day. Way to go sis, way to go “Spud.”

(photo by Naomi Nelson)