jackassworld

“i am having a great time in africa. tomorrow i am going on safari and then I’m heading up towards mozambique. i am learning to speak zulu and, to be honest, i think my penis is growing every day!”
—chris pontius, in an email update from africa

“wolfie’s gonna learn something today—get the flip cam out.”
—seth casriel, just before teaching greg wolf how to export a video clip

“i love giving sex advice. i did get a ‘c’ in sex ed, but my knowledge really comes from in the field experience.”
—shanna zablow, on her proposed new column for jackassworld

“anyone got a clothes pin? safety pin? nothing? i need this tapered in the back—i look big.”
—johnny knoxville, commenting on his dickies jumpsuit prior to the unauthorized removal of a certain van toffler mural from a paramount studios office

“i’ve gotten this far without you, i’ve been doing this longer than you, i’ve known about it longer—i’ll do it the way i wanna do it! fuck you guys!”
—rick kosick, to seth casriel and dimitry elyashkevich, when they suggested he webcast his 4:20 show from the roof

“quit fucking canadian girls. they smell like hotdog water.”
—clyde singleton, during an interview on vitalskate.com