jackassworld

I’m not sure when we discovered the K-Files, but it was sometime back in the early Big Brother days. One day we realized, “Holy shit! There are Kosicks everywhere!” Doppelgangers? Clones? Replicants? We’re not even really sure what they are, but we’ve taken to calling them K-Files (short, obviously, for Kosick Files) because we keep a special, top-secret file where all of our K-File records, sightings, information, etc. are stored. To be honest, besides the occasional sighting, there’s not much else in the files. There’s a lot of conjecture, but the truth is that very little is known about these unusual creatures. All we can say with confidence is that they look like Kosick. But we’ve heard everything under the sun in regards to their bizarre behavior. Here are just a few rumors:

K-Files are an ancient race that has been around since the dawn of time.

K-Files are born out of Kosick’s nipples at the witching hour on full moon nights.

K-Files are from the future.

The Cthulu myth is real and Cthulu is Kosick’s real name.

K-Files are direct descendents of Jesus Christ and are sometimes considered to be the “Holy Grail” itself.

K-Files will destroy the human race and take over the planet.

Etc.

And while there’s no hard evidence to back the last claim, it is the most troubling and most frequent thing we hear about K-Files. Thus, the one thing that is absolutely certain about the K-Files is that we need to keep an eye on them and learn everything we can about their behavior. That’s why we’re finally turning to the public for help: please send us your K-Files. Have you seen a K-File? Perhaps you even know a K-File? Shoot a picture of any K-File you see in the wild and please send it to us as soon as possible with any pertinent information you gathered in the encounter.

Who knows, K-Files could be peaceful, they could be hostile, the point is they exist and we’ll never know what they’re up to without a careful and thorough study of their activities. Please help us expand our database by sending us whatever photos or information you have in regards to the mysterious K-File. Thank you.

exhibit A