jackassworld

I puked. I’m not blaming the tequila, though. Well, I mean, it was the tequila, but it’s not uncommon for me to feel like puking after a shot of tequila. Especially the first. You know that feeling after you’ve had a couple beers and someone gives you a shot of tequila? It hits your gut and starts a bile fire, which then slowly inches its way up your throat and fills your mouth. I usually don’t have much trouble holding it back, and after that first one I’m fine, but that wasn’t the case after I had a Tequila Pocket Shot. I politely excused myself, calmly marched into Knoxville’s bathroom and barfed my brains out. I must admit the bouquet was as delightful coming up as it was going down.

I’m not sure why those other guys didn’t barf, though. Perhaps because they were taking it to the face and not swallowing any of it? Stomping on a Tequila Pocket Shot like a packet of ketchup on a schoolyard playground is, obviously, not the best way to deliver the contents of this wonderful little product to your tummy. While it’s fun to stomp the shit out of one and splatter alcohol all over your friend’s face, the packaging provides a variety of other ingenious and exciting ways (and places) to enjoy one of the worst liquors on earth.

Due to its lean, light profile, the Tequila Pocket Shot is perfect for sneaking into environments unfriendly to your alcoholism. Booze costs too much at the concert or the game? Slide a few of these down your pants. Maybe you’re going somewhere where there isn’t any booze at all, like on a mountain or in an ocean? You could just stuff a few of these in your ski cap or wetsuit. They travel anywhere.

Tequila Pocket Shots will revolutionize the way alcoholics live because they dramatically increase their migratory range. Now we can get drunk anywhere. No longer will you have to feel ashamed to not attend events and activities where alcohol isn’t within reach. Like Jewish holidays and AA meetings. And leave those clunky, awkward flasks at home. As comedian Jim Gaffigan said, “Nothing says, ‘You look like a drunk on the go!’ more than a flask.”

The Tequila Pocket Shot? It’s like an adult Capri Sun. (The manufacturers really should consider a more childish, non-alcoholic packaging so that you can drink these with a straw while driving…driving a bicycle, for instance.) There’s nowhere you can’t enjoy yourself!