jackassworld

Welcome to an all-new jackassworld web exclusive series called “Flashback,” where we crack open the archives of footage—both seen and unseen—and re-examine certain segments from the old jackass television series. And what better way to do this than by shitting all over the holidays with an early bit that combined the best of both worlds, the “Santa Colonic,” featuring all new interviews with Johnny Knoxville, Spike Jonze, and spelling bee champ Ben Kaller.

Round about December of 1999, Jeff Tremaine called me into his office at Big Brother and requested I tag along with Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville to film something for the ongoing “secret project.” Jackass had yet to be formally adopted by a network, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t have fun and compile some goofy footage in the meantime.

I readily agreed to assist on the shoot solely for the reason it involved Hydro-Colonic therapy, a medical practice where gallons and gallons of water are pumped into the rectum via a hose and then sloshed about the intestinal plumbing works. I’m not gay—or German for that matter—but for whatever reason I’ve always been fascinated by rectums and bowel movements…perhaps because mine have always been rather forced and unprofitable operations. In a word, constipated. So the very idea of anything loosening up impacted stools was of keen interest to me.

Now the colonics facility we filmed at, the Body Rooters, was almost exclusively chosen for its exterior hand-painted sign, which was done in a very “funkadelic” fashion. It was also located in the back alleyway of a rather rundown strip mall in a low rent part of Los Angeles, making it all the more questionable in nature. We’d driven past this roadside wonder innumerable times between the years of 1992-1997, going to and from Hollywood and El Segundo (the former home base of Big Brother), so we were all jazzed that our curiosity had finally manifested itself in the open avenue of Knoxville’s butt.

Prior to his inaugural treatment, Knoxville came up with the idea to add a festive touch by dressing up as Santa Claus. One of the first genuine jackass moments was to be had when our secondary cameraman, Ben “Benzo” Kaller, misspelled Santa Claus with an “E” on the end of it after being entrusted to scrawl it across Johnny’s bare ass with a Sharpie to surprise the doctor running the hose.

On arrival, our modest “production” crew of four people was graciously met at the rear entrance by Linda, the jovial assistant and wife of the rectal practitioner, and ushered into a tiny room the size of a walk-in closet. Needless to say, the phrase “too close for comfort” was more than an understatement, as Knoxville dropped his jolly red pants and the stench of bare man ass rapidly permeated the breathing space.

To our good fortune, Dr. Ron Thompson turned out to be one smooth operator, much like his groovy signage suggested. He effortlessly rolled with the wisecracks posed by Knoxville, all the while monitoring the fecal fragments fleeing from his rectum like an organic fleet of rag-tag Battlestar Galactica ships, which, I have to say, was rather funny watching Spike sit and film with all earnestness and occasional tears of laughter.

In the downtime between Santa’s hip-hop Christmas carols, Dr. Ron instilled the fear of god into us all with frightening tales of pent up poo leading to impacted feces, bloody stools, and distended duodenums. So by the end of the ordeal, we were all ready to have rubber hoses stuffed up our bottoms to siphon out any untold remnants that may have been left behind in our behinds over the years. Knoxville was, I believe, the only one who followed through with subsequent procedures, but he totally pussed out and had his butt flushed by an altogether different doctor in a far more geographically-friendly location.

The footage from this seasonal lark was shelved up until April of 2000, when it was finally edited into a neat and tidy package of fundament fun during the production of the pilot. In the end, the “Poo Cocktail” upstaged the “Santa Colonic” for the prized closing segment in the formal show format. However, the bit still proved so irresistible that it was tacked onto the backside of the presentation as a teaser for all the fine and fruity things we were capable of prior to its delivery to MTV.